Starting Over on EXPERT MODE

I can hardly believe that we're about to finish our third year in this small town. Our relocation to Salisbury has proven to be an illuminating experience in a myriad of ways -- especially when it comes to our social life. We have truly started over, and this renovation of our social network has been far from simple.

In our prior life, we had a rich tapestry of close friends. We had a slew of connections from ministry ventures, music projects, and even my own history in my hometown. Perhaps I took it for granted. As a 30 year old in an unfamiliar place, I'm learning how influential these factors were -- music, ministry, and history. The glaring absence of these crucial factors is like resetting a video game and choosing a much harder difficulty level. It's like we started over on EXPERT MODE.

The difficulty of starting anew has made me appreciate our past, and it has also imbued me with a brand new compassion for people who spend their lives socially isolated. I realize I've been privileged to know a life filled with friends and opportunities, and my heart breaks for people who never bask in that same light. We have to face the epidemic of loneliness in our modern world and war against it.

This illumination of experience also reminds me of how important good friends really are. One can audaciously assume that good friends can be found anywhere, but the truth of the matter is much more complicated. Social connection is both vital for your psyche and spirit, and treacherously challenging to cultivate at times. True friendships are crafted through time and shared experience, and they cannot be merely replicated wherever you go.

The larger cultural reality of the matter is this: many adults are facing a crisis of social isolation, and America as a whole is becoming more lonely over time. Often, people in their 30's and 40's become entangled in the trappings of child rearing as they place their own interests on the back burner. Adult friendships atrophy as they pursue family obligations, and this trend continues into their later years. Perhaps it's no coincidence that Americans have consistently reported higher levels of loneliness over the past several decades. Lackluster friendships are a byproduct of our modern way of life, and it's making people miserable... but it doesn't have to be this way.

Despite the multitude of challenges and obstacles that lay in our path, I refuse to accept the norms of the modern social experience. Social connection requires intentional effort and real connection, and a life lacking in these things is truly one that has not realized its full potential. I may be grappling with this new difficulty setting, but I refuse to be defeated by it.